Life and nature move in ever changing and reoccurring cycles, and I have always felt a part of that. Sometimes that means I am riding high waves, sometimes I’m almost drowning. But last december I found myself completely stuck in life. My heart was heavy and my inner fire had almost gone out. The only things still flowing were my tears, so I welcomed them and surrendered to them. Deep down I knew that this was just another moment of necessary transformation and I opened myself to experience it fully. Because whenever I hit rock bottom, the light always comes back.
One month later I found myself in Jaipur, India, entering a 10 day Vipassana silent retreat at Dhamma Thali. Although this time it was much more challenging than the previous retreats that I had gone through, it was also the strongest reconnective experience. It was hard work to find a clear focus behind my distractive ‘monkey mind’. But when I finally moved into the silence within, there was that familiar experience of oneness, the deep trusting and understanding of the ever changing flow of nature.. Anicca, anicca..
After Jaipur I stayed at Shri Kali ashram in Rishikesh and Haridwar for 8 weeks, where I got to dive deeper into the teachings of traditional tantra yoga. I had wanted to come back to this school since I had stayed with them shortly in 2015. Tantra yoga is all about relaxing. Shedding off conditionings and masks so that we can become our true and authentic Self. The deeper I moved into relaxation, the more I realized how much unresolved tension I actually stored in my system, even though I had been practicing yoga for more than 10 years. My time here was like a mirror, reflecting my whole life. I felt powerful primal energy move through me, I saw my many colors and my darkest shadows too. And I can say that they are all very dear to me.
I came to realize that the life I was trying to live in the Netherlands, actually never really suited me. It always felt like a struggle to be part of that western society that is considered to be ‘normal’. Working hard to pay all the bills so that I can live in a nice house, with nice clothes and things. What is the point in that? Traveling and sharing the wisdom of yoga and tantric life-art is all I need to do right now. I found somebody to sublet my house in Hilversum for the next 1,5 years, which gives me the freedom to explore living like a yoga gipsy and go wherever the flow takes me. And also, it gives me some security to be able to return to my old life, if I would want to. Because hey, life changes, and who knows where I want to be in 2020?
Since then I have taught yoga at some wonderful locations already. Devarya Wellness in Morjim, Goa, is one of the places that I will return to in March 2019 and offer my first 10 day tantra yoga retreat. Floripa Yoga in Sicily is where I stayed the first half of this summer and I truly fell in love with the beauty of the island and it’s warm people and hospitality.
I must say that being back in Amsterdam and the Netherlands right now is a very happy experience too. I look at the city and this little, well-organized country with different eyes now. And I realize how privileged I am to have a base here, which I will always cherish. Just like migratory birds and nomadic people, I can move with the winds and the seasons, from place to place. And I belong to the present moment, wherever that may be.
Next up is a trip to Morocco (Marrakesh and the Sahara) with some dear friends, where I get to explore the possibilities of organizing my own yoga retreat weeks starting next year. And after that, I am going to Cambodia. I am very excited to take on the job of retreat leader and resident yoga teacher at the beautiful paradise of Samloem Laguna, starting in October 2018.
I hope to stay in touch with you, and maybe welcome you at one of my yoga retreats in the future. You can always leave me a message or follow my journey on this website or social media.